Pesanan untukku.....

Disini aku lampirkan perasan dari Dr Haniza Rais, lecturer aku di UIAM. Sangat-sangat aku perlukan disaat berdepan dengan kesedihan Matin sekarang ni. MAtin anak manja mak. Hilang yang tak akan ada galang gantinya.

Arni
So sorry to hear about your mom in-law

what you can do probably, just be there for him. he may not want to
talk about it yet. tell him that you are concern about him. You feel
the sadness too. Tell him it is ok to feel what he feels now.. he
doesn;t have to talk about it but always know that you are there for
him to share anything. slowly, when he is ready, ask him what is
bothering him now than his mom no longer around. How can you be
helpful to him. hold his hand, share the emotion as you are the
closest to him next to his mom. tell him that you can not replace
mom. a loss is a loss. ajak dia make doa for mom - something that will
bring good to mom - doakan dia..baca quran.. ikatan tak putus melalui
itu aje nak sambung hubungan anak -emak..he may have regrets. slowly
try to figure out the regrets....tak sempat buat itu atau ini untk
emak. tapi always remember his mom needs his doa more that anything
else now.. notheing else matter.

don;t push it..take it slowly, be natural.. be there for him and more
understanding of what he is going through .. only he knows what it
feels so don;t make assumption. it can lead to lots of stress.. es
when men dont; talk his emotion..

salam takziah kat your husband..take care

Al Fatihah

Bonda mertua ku Puan Saayah binti Asmawi pergi jua mengadap Ilahi. Sudah perjanjiannya begitu. Tepat pukul 11 pagi hari Ahad 6 July 2008. Teresak Matin dibahu aku. Tak daya aku memujuknya. Tapi aku perlu terus lebih kuat dari dia. Semuanya telah terduga. Mujur semalam semua sempat berdepan dengan arwah mak. Walaupun dalam keadaan koma, tapi menurut doktor yang merawat, mak sedar dan mendengar. Disuruh ahli keluarga membacakan Yasin. Sempat aku bisikkan mohon ampun dan maaf. Banyaknya dosa ku tak terhingga rasanya. Pilu rasa hati bila tiap kali dipeluk dan diucap takziah, Matin pasti tersedu. Aku hanya mampu memerhati dari jauh. Sengaja aku biarkan dia sementara, biar dilayan dulu perasaan sedihnya. Bodoh andai aku suruh dia supaya tidak bersedih, bersabar dan bertenang. Orang gila pun menangis saat kehilangan insan yang disayangi. Tapi tiada rasa ralat dihati sebab Matin sedaya upaya semasa hayat arwah mak, membuat mak gembira, sentiasa dipenuhi permintaan mak, cuma kadang bila diminta pulang selalu apalah daya kami yang jauh dan sentiasa beragenda. Dengan keluarga serumah pun susah nak bersua muka, inikan pula keluarga di kampung. Kepada mak di sana, doa kami sentiasa mengiringi mak di sana. Moga mak ditempat disisi orang-orang yang beriman. Al Fatihah.

Postingku...Researchku...Ibu Mertuaku..

Gawat memikirkan tempat posting yang dah cukup bilangan kaunselor. Tentu aku disuruh mengajar. Kecik hati aku kejap bila ada cikgu cakap, "lain yg diminta lain yg datang". Rasa mcam tak diperlukan aje.Tapi takdirnya di sini. SMK Seri Hartamas.

Pening pulak memikirkan research aku. Entah di terima entah tidak. Gundah gulana dbuatnya. Nak muntah bila terfikir. Sakit jiwa rasanya.

Semalam selesai solat Jumaat, Matin call aku dari masjid. "Cari teman balik rumah, kemas beg. kita balik kampung. Mak masuk ICU." Gelabah aku dibuatnya. Aku yang dah memang ada kat rumah mak, baru je sampai dalam 10minit. Minta mak talong tengokkan Naqib n Nashwa. Aku nak ke opis Matin, sebab kete aku yang bawak. Kalut sungguh, tapi sempat juga aku call Dr.Siraje tanya pasal research aku.
Sepanjang perjalanan Matin tak cakap banyak, sedih aje muka dia. Siapa tak sedih, masa ni le aku kena praktikkan apa yg aku dah belajar masa kat UIA. Aku tak boleh tunjuk sedih sebab dia lagi sedih. Hal anak-anak aku handle 100%. Matin aku biarkanb melayan perasaan. Sepanjang perjalanan ke kg aku tak lelap walau sekejap pun. "Abang OK ke" sentiasa aku tanya.

Percutian Pertama Naqib

Hubby janji habis je internship n siap segala laporan dia nak bawak gi holiday, Jumaat lepas kebetulan genap umur Naqib 6 bulan pastu, siap pulak segala report internship. without maklumkan kepada Nashwa, baba dia suruh dia pakai lawa2. "mama, kita nak gi mana pakai lawa2?" "Lunch, lepas baba solat Jumaat kita pegi ye". Naqib macam faham je, bila disiapkan sengih aje sepanjang masa. Bila siapkan swimming suit dia, dia ingat nak pegi swim kat kelana jaya esoknya. kami angguk je. bukan niat nak menipu, saja nak buat suprise untuk dia.masuk aje dalam kereta Nashwa terus tidur tak sedar diri, Naqib pun macam tu. Sampai Melaka baru die sedar. "Jauhnya kita datang makan"Masih tak sangka le tu. Masa cari hotel pun dia tak caya nak tido sana. Seronok tak terkata dia bila bagitahu nak ke tido sana. Everly Resort Hotel dekat dengan Pantai Klebang jadi pilihan Hubby ku. Naqib pun seronok semacam je. maklumle cukup 6 bln.

Research ku

Pening. Sakit kepala. Susah hati. Panik. Tired.

All those are what I'm feel now.

All about my research.

Please..... Tuhan... Tunjukkan aku jalan...Permudahkan kerja hambaMu ini... Amin...

I'm stress

It's stressful sometimes that I'm trying to be the perfect one, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect daughter,the perfect sister, the perfect student, the perfect teacher, the perfect friend, the perfect aunty, all at the same time.

I knew that no body perfect, but some one told me - be the no body. Yes I know this is impossible but I still try to be one. Up to an extend, it sometimes occur as a problem. Yes, being a perfectionist is a problem. Especially when things don't go my way and I get dissapointed and all affected. sigh.

Ku pendam duka ku sendiri....ha ha ha....paranoid

Not yet.....

Ingatkan selesai internship, selesai le bebanan tugas aku sebagai seorg pelajar.
Not Yet...... research tak siap lagi rupanya. 20/06/08 hari terakhir aku di SMK Seksyen10 Kota Damansara. Di sini aku belajar menjadi seorang kaunselor dengan erti kata sebenarnya. Guru pembimbing aku bukan seorang sebaliknya 4 orang. Kak Shanty, Cikgu Harun, Kan Hanim & Kak Yati. Sedih ada nak tinggalkan, tapi lega kerana perpisahan ini memberi aku sedikit ruang untuk menyiapkan research yang masih separuh jalan.

Ku muncul kembali

Setahun lamanya aku tinggalkan ruangan ni. Terlalu sibuk dengan tugasan. Buat-buat busy sebenarnya. Hasilnya sampai hari ni tak nampak lagi. Arghhh....research aku bila nak siap... Tinggal lagi 2 hari internship aku nak habis. Mana silapnya, apa salahnya aku tak nampak. Yang aku nampak malasnya aku. Ada tak dijual ubat rajin...

Blurrrrr.........

Nevertheless......

So many things to say..
Yet feel so lazy to write....

I still not finish my assignments. Lots of things to do. Yesterday I went for checked up. Everything are Ok. Both Mama and Baby are OK.

Nashwa

Nashwa is my inspiration and my sweet girl. Right now this Mama is so busy that she's too tired to sit in front this computer to finish all her assignments given by her lecturers . During this 3 days break she has to accompany Nashwa which is attending her pre-school until 12.15 and then drive back home to prepare some meals and wait for Nashwa and Baba to return from their school and office. The house will be like a "war zone" when this two 'kids' gather together against their Mama. By 7pm, they want their dinner served and Nashwa will be in her bed before 9pm. Then Mama start to think about what to cook for the next day as well as planning some strategies on how to finish her assignments. Really need to read all the books, especially for Dr. Siraje subject. Aargghhh!!!!
This is life... until next June. Can't wait to go finish my study....